Hey everyone, it’s your health bestie Barbara!
Last week we learned how to start a journaling practice and how to do a candle exercise to help still the mind. For the person who has everything, get them a journal and a pen for the holidays. It is a gift that rewards all year long.
Both journaling and the candle exercise are excellent daily practices.
In this episode we will discuss family time and how to speak your child’s love language. Family time helps to increase closeness, security, trust and other beneficial qualities.
Family Time with My Parents
Over Thanksgiving I had family time with my Parents. I played Kahoot with my Mom while my Dad took a nap.
We played a few ‘Would You Rather?’ games. It is a non-competitive game that asks questions and gives two options to choose from. It is a simple game but can be revealing.
Here is one question asked:
‘Would you rather be stuck on a deserted island with someone you argued with nonstop?
or
Would you rather be on a deserted island by yourself?
My Mom would rather argue with someone than be alone. This surprised me. It shows she values connection and would rather have tension than isolation.
On the other hand, I see being stuck on an island with someone that I argue with as a form of dependence. I chose to be on the island alone.
For me, peace is connection. Peace is love. This is the way I relate to others.
We also went shopping to get my Grandmother some clothes for Christmas. My Mom wanted to get her a size Large. I felt she needed an XL, maybe even a 2X.
I thought to myself:
Do you want to flatter her, or do you want her to feel comfortable in something that truly fits?
We asked my Dad for his opinion. He appearred shocked, wondering why he was being asked to pick her size. Inside I laughed at his response.
Family is a dance of perspectives, assumptions and good intentions.
Connection, honest expression and softness occur when we share space with the people who know us best. Family moments can transform into emotional connection when fostered over time.
How to Love Children from a Place of Strength and Connection
As Parents we stand tall and sometimes feel pulled in different directions. Family time provides a chance to learn to balance boundaries and emotions.
Today we will learn to stay present even when things feel complicated, tender or tiring. There is a book called the 5 Love Languages of Children. Some things that feel hard in raising children is simply a mismatch between the love we give and the love the child receives.
Here are the 5 Love Languages of Children:
- Physical Touch
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
When we speak the child’s love language even daily activities can turn into family time. Here are a few examples of family time activities:
- Visit to the library to checkout books
- Gardening
- Drawing together
- Sports
- Read a book
- Scheduled time with no particular activity planned
- Movie night
- Go for a walk together
Day to day friction can lose its grip when we speak with the 5 Love Languages. Let’s see this in action with an everyday activity such as leaving the home in the morning.
Family Time: Leaving the House in the Morning
Morning time can seem to carry a weight of its own. There is pressure to leave allowing time for rush hour traffic and other hiccups. We may also have last minute wardrobe changes. We want to change shoes and coat because its raining or we forgot to pack lunch for the morning so we have to throw a sandwich together.
During this stressful time, the five love languages can save the day.
Physical Touch Love Language
For a child who loves closeness you can help them zip up their coat and gently touch their face. Big squishy hugs can be offered when the child is ready. A giant family sandwich hug can be given before everyone walks out the door.
Words of Affirmation Love Language
Some children light up when they are recognized. Encourage self reliance and autonomy for the little things they do.
You found your shoes, good job!
You got the door, thank you!
Your have your bag ready, great job remembering!
Quality Time Love Language
Quality time and acts of service can blend together in the morning rush.
Sometimes we may feel our kids should do more for themselves but we have to weigh what is worth pushing and what will make life easier for ourselves.
When a child loves to be helped, assisting them while they get dressed will speak their love language. If they have a morning checklist, spend a few minutes going through their morning checklist to make sure they have everything.
These few minutes can be used as a time to bond and feel loved. A tiny bit of help becomes a meaningful connection.
Receiving Gifts Love Language
For the child who thrives on tangible items, make a reward chart for leaving the house in the morning. Together, deicde what the reward is after a certain number of successful morning exits. Clearly define how a successful exit looks.
The rewards chart can be motivation, structure and love all in one.
Family Time in Closing
This episode I shared family time with my Parents. We learned the five love languages that kids have. We also learned how to use the love languages in everyday activities.
By using the 5 Love Languages of Kids we turn every moment into family time. I created a quick start Love Languages for kids in the description below. You can find it at go.healthsolutionstoday.com/family1.
Next week we will cover more family time specifically for the holiday season.
Until then, this is Barbara with Health Solutions Today. Remember, everyday can be a healthy day.